Lost Information
by Kila9Nishika
Summary: Herald Cairly goes on a mission that ends up taking longer than she expected.  As things spiral out of control, she scrabbles for a chance to get a second-hand message to Queen Selenay.  Valdemar, Velgarth.  Torture, pregnancy, childbirth, death.


**Disclaimer:** The world of Velgarth, and the country of Valdemar, belongs to Mercedes Lackey. Furthermore, the Heralds and Companions belong to her as well.

**AN: ** Here goes, my first ever Mercedes Lackey fic!

* * *

**Lost Information**

Herald Cairly stared at the ruin that had been a village, once. Now it was gone, only the villagers remained. _They_ were stubborn, refusing to move to a less hazardous spot, close as they were to the Border. Selenay had sent her in the hopes that she would be heeded, herself a Borderer.

_:At least they aren't Holderkin.:_

Cairly rolled her eyes, and answered her Companion, Rhiannon, sarcastically, _:Yes, but if they were Holderkin, we would have no problem. Thankfully, 'Ree, Holderkin generally don't need protecting, so we don't have to deal with them.:_

"Herald Cairly!"

Cairly jumped, brown curls bouncing, and turned to answer the call.

"Yes?" She struggled to remember the child's name. "Halli?"

The girl grinned, and shook her fiery head.

"Naw, I'm Lil'yan Iry. Me ma's Halli. She sent me, t' ask 'f you need 'nythin', or 'f you there be a Waystation yen stay'n at?"

_:Tell her that if we could have some of her ma's soup, we'll be fine.:_

_:'Ree! You don't even eat it!:_

_:True, but _you_ like it, with the way you've been sick, it'll do you good. Besides - :_

"I know," frowned Cairly, "you think we shouldn't have come. But – "

_:I _know_ that we're only supposed to be here for two months, but what if we aren't? The _last _thing we need is for Selenay to be discredited by something so silly as a stubborn pregnant Herald!:_

Cairly sighed. "Yes, but I won't be – oh! Sorry, Lil'. If it's alright with your mam, may we have some of her soup?" She grinned conspiratorially, "Tell her it even beats the Mero's, back in Haven."

Lil' laughed. "Aye, an' that'll flatter her t' the Sorrows and back! I'll ask her, an' you kin be nexta certain that she'll make a new pot, jus' fer you!"

She dashed off to where the villagers were settling for the night.

That night, the moon rose bright over the Waystation. For a long moment, Cairly stood outside, watching it. Memories of only the month before floated to the surface of her mind.

"_I'll only be gone for three months!" Cairly cried, "That's like saying that a blizzard is _only_ a little snow! Elizir, you could get your Masters while I'm gone!"_

_Journeyman Bard Elizir smiled the slow, sweet smile that had captured Cairly's heart back when she had first been assigned to Selenay's court, and smoothed her unruly brown curls out of her face._

"_We can never be separated," he said, "every night, when the moon rises, I'll look at it. You, too. We'll each know the other is looking. It will be _our_ time."_

_Cairly smiled. "I guess so. I leave in the morning. I – oh, Elizir, I don't want to leave! I – "_

_:And _that_ is when you should have _realized_ that the fact that you were pregnant could be an excuse to stay in Haven.:_

"'Ree!" Cairly whirled so quickly that she practically fell over.

_:We didn't finish our argument earlier! And you _should_ have stayed in Haven. You've been sick every morning and evening since we got here. _And_ you've been having dizzy spells. Cairly, Selenay could have sent someone else!:_

Cairly raised her eyebrows. "Yes?" She said it disbelievingly, an open ended question.

'Ree tossed her head impatiently. _:Rill and Josson - :_

"Out on circuit up north, where they are more needed – "

_:Henna and Rosie - :_

"Not really important enough circumstances, _and_ they're needed as Special Messenger – "

_:Losse and Hevli - :_

"You know very well that Hevli is about to foal!"

_:Theela and Taylinse - :_

"Theela is not able to think rationally in a situation like this, and you know as well as I that her last circuit has kept her with the Mind-Healers for the past six months!"

_:Kayli and - :_

"Injured."

_:Ylsa and - :_

"Out as Special Messenger, _and _teaching – "

_:Woodlin and - :_

"Sick, Lord and Lady! 'Ree, leave it! You've listed practically all of the Heralds that _can_ do this circuit, _stop!_ Please?"

'Ree gave a very humanlike exasperated snort. _:Cairly, you know that you shouldn't have decided to have a child. Couldn't you have foreseen this occuring?:_

Cairly stomped angrily into the Waystation, and slammed the door.

"Done _guilting_ me yet?"

_:Cairly, I - :_

Cairly sighed. "_I'm_ sorry. I just – you're right and it's just hard to admit it. _And_ I miss Elizir something awful. It _seemed_ a good idea at the time…"

_:I didn't think so.:_

Cairly yawned. "Can we finish this argument tomorrow?"

_:Get sleep - :_

Quiet, steady breathing answered 'Ree.

_: - you're going to need it.:_

The tent was stuffy and hot. The fact that the entire village council was in it with the Village Speaker and Cairly didn't help matters. Cairly rubbed her eyes, and forced her nausea into submission. She continued her speech, the same speech she had been giving for weeks.

"…the bandits know to find you here. It is essential to move further north. There is a perfect place northeast of here, and it has even better fields for your animals and for growing food. I will personally show you where it is. It even has the river close by; close enough that you do not need to dig wells."

_:You mean, close enough that the lazy, stubborn idiots don't have to exert themselves. Cairly, we've been here for a month longer than we meant to. We should send a message back, telling them that we need to return, could they please send someone else? You're going to start showing soon. _Then_ what will you do?:_

_:'Ree, shut up.:_

Cairly returned her attention to the Village Speaker. He was fidgeting, and talking about nothing. It was obvious, just as it had been for the past month, that he had no real reason for wanting to stay, he just did not want to go somewhere new. Or do something new. Or anything _anything_ new.

Cairly just managed to keep a polite expression on her face.

_:What do I do, 'Ree? How do I tell him that they _need_ to go?:_

Cairly felt 'Ree toss her head. _:You could tell him that your Gift is Foresight, and that bandits are going to attack within the week.:_

Cairly kept herself from scowling with difficulty. _:Like he's going to believe that. You know that these people don't believe in knowing the future.:_ Cairly paused. _:Bet you a song against a story that the next thing he's going to say is, 'it's not traditional.':_

_:Done.:_

"…and besides, no matter what you say, it just isn't traditional! Villages just don't _move_!"

_:I win. I want that story tonight.:_

Cairly returned her attention, for the second time, to the Village Speaker.

"Even for bandits? Speaker, half of the village children are the results of attacks, and the other half are orphans. There are bandits coming towards this spot _as we speak!_ We need to move the village, now!"

About a candlemark later, a small boy raced into the tent, interrupting the Village Speaker's newest speech about why the village could not move.

"S-sir, Mem?" the boy gasped, nodding to the Speaker and Cairly, "There be bandits. Spotted t'the south."

Cairly swore an oath that made the Village Speaker turn the color of sour milk, and strode out of the tent towards 'Ree. The boy ran to catch up with her. "There be good news too, mem. Another Herald's been spotted t'the north."

Cairly froze. _:'Ree, boost me?:_

_:Sure.:_

Cairly felt a burst of new energy fill her, and she stretched her tiny mindspeaking talent to broadcast.

_:Cairly and Rhiannon here. Who comes?:_

_:Cairly?:_ The mindspeaker was someone with an incredibly strong mindspeaking talent. _:Henna here, with Rosie. I've come to find out why you've been gone so long, before reporting back to Selenay in Haven. What is it that has taken you two months?:_

Cairly sighed with relief, leaning against a tent-pole for support against a dizzy spell. _:The idiot Village Speaker. He doesn't want to leave, and he's convinced half the village. I would like to request for someone to come and replace me. I've been – sick – ever since I got here.:_

Cairly felt something akin to a sigh of relief from Henna. _:Thank goodness it's nothing worse. We were worried something had happened to you. Do you mind if I go straight from here to Haven, and not stop with you? I have some very important information that needs to go to Selenay.:_

Cairly began walking very slowly from the post to find 'Ree. _:Sure. You go. How long will it take?:_

Cairly felt Henna smile. _:You'll have a replacement within the month. Can it wait that long?:_

_:Yes. See you, then. Take care of yourself.:_

_:You, too.:_

Suddenly, Cairly realized that there were still bandits to deal with. She swore again, this time causing the mothers of two children to clap their hands over the childrens' ears, and picked up her pace, flinging herself over 'Ree's saddle, and riding quickly towards where the men of the village were gathering.

_:How many survived?:_ 'Ree tossed her head so that the links of the Companion's bridle jingled.

Cairly leaned against 'Ree._ :Only half. The bandits, though, I don't think they _are _bandits. They acted more like trained soldiers than bandits.:_

_:Like the Tedrels?:_

Cairly frowned, brow wrinkling as she tried to remember the war only five months past. _:No. More trained than the Tedrels were.:_

_:So these aren't just residue from the Wars, like we thought, then, are they?:_

Cairly scowled. _:No. They acted almost like they were – soldiers. They spoke _some_ language that I didn't recognize, though. Did you?:_

'Ree stopped stock still for a moment. _:Noooooo. Wait – I'd – almost say that it sounded like – Karsite.:_

_:Well, it wasn't Rethwellan, or Hardornan. I'd recognize either. So the only logical choice is Karsite. Unless they _are_ just really organized Tedrels.:_

Cairly suddenly remembered something. _:Wait. You promised a story, tonight.:_

'Ree tossed her head again, and they slowly began to walk towards the Waystation. _:You're as bad as a child, sometimes. Any favorites?:_

Cairly laughed._ :No.:_ She adapted a very whiney tone. _:Could you tell me a new one?:_

_:Silly! Alright. This is the tale of Brianna, Herald-Mage, friend to Vanyel Herald-Mage. And no interruptions, got it?:_

Cairly pretended to flinch. _:Got it.:_ She dismounted, and began unsaddling 'Ree…

_:…she knew she had no hope against them, so she did them last thing she could. Reaching as far as she could, she hurled a message outwards, away from the Karsite Border. 'Help!' She took down three Mage-Priests and their demon before collapsing. _

_Kielir, her Companion, guarded her, while she used the last bit of strength in her body to send out a broadcast Mindcall. 'From the Karsite Border,' she sent, 'Brianna and Kielir Call to tell all listening that we got three of the bastards and their demon, but there are still others that escaped. This is the last Mindcall, send someone else down! We'll get one more of the mages, but we did not get the one that got those villages Mardic, Donni, and their Companions saved. Send someone else down!'_

_:Brianna took a deep breath, and sent to Kielir, 'If this works, please wait long enough to send a Mindcall to Vanyel, Kielir.' She stepped away from her Companion, and walked, slowly and steadily towards her doom.:_

'Ree stopped. Cairly was almost asleep. Quietly, she Mindspoke, _:Brianna died, but so did four of the Karsite Mages. Kielir waited just long enough to Mindcall Vanyel, saying only, 'Final Strike,' before following his Chosen.:_

Cairly was asleep, and 'Ree barely whispered the end of the tale, knowing her Chosen would not hear. _:So was her end. May it not be yours as well.:_

Cairly flopped down onto the small bed in the Waystation. It had been a tiring day. Finally, the Village Speaker had agreed to move the village, the three consecutive bandit attacks convincing him that the bandits knew where they were and were milking them dry.

For the first time in the past four months, Cairly did not even Mindspeak with 'Ree before falling asleep.

Cairly dreamed.

"_Give our regards to Talamir!"_

_She was drowning, drowning in icy water. She reached up and grabbed the ice at the top, but it broke, and she fell back under the water. A neigh broke through the air. Her Companion! He was right there. She reached up and grabbed his neck, but her hands were too numb, and she slipped off again. She was drowning – _

_Cairly got a good look at the drowning Trainee. It was herself – except she had Elizir's eyes…and then it spun away, and Cairly was riding hard, when bandits came out of nowhere, grabbing her off of 'Ree's back, and dragging herself and 'Ree away separately._

Cairly jerked awake, breathing hard. _:'Ree?:_

Cairly felt 'Ree wake up. _:Yes?: _

_:Oops. Sorry. I just…:_

_:Bad dreams?:_

Cairly sat up, and began getting dressed. _:I…think. The first was a dream, definitely, but the second – I'm not sure. It could have just been the results of a month helping the villagers escape attack after bandit attack…:_

_:But you don't think so.:_

Cairly sighed. _:No. I don't think so.:_

She walked over to the door of the Waystation, and had to grab at the doorpost for support. Suddenly, she realized something. _:'Ree, how long have we been here?:_

She could practically hear 'Ree counting. _:Four months and a week.:_

Cairly's eyebrows made for her hair. _:Shouldn't our replacements have gotten here – :_

She collapsed, feeling as if someone had socked her in the stomach. She _felt_ something queer, and then –

_Henna ducked an arrow, and reached out with all of her strength. _:Cairly! Sorry I didn't carry your message. This is for the Queen!:_ Then came a message that stunned Cairly. Henna didn't duck in time, and her words were cut off by an arrow in the chest. Rosie, her Companion, died in double agony. Physical, as she herself was covered in arrows, and mental, as her Chosen died on her back._

Cairly sat heavily on the ground, and cried.

After about half a candlemark, Cairly suddenly sat up straight. _:'Ree?:_

'Ree came over and stood very still beside her, to be a shoulder to lean on. Cairly pushed herself up, and they began the ride to the village. _:'Ree, Henna's _gone!_ I'll never – never – tease her again about being too important for regular circuit – and – oh, this is too selfish, but, 'Ree, she didn't deliver our message!:_

Halfway to the village already, 'Ree stopped and turned her head for a moment. _:Oh, no - :_

Cairly finished the thought for her. _:I know. I'm already beginning to show. I should be leaving now, so that no one is discredited. But how do I get the message out that I need to leave? I can barely Mindspeak to anyone besides you! Henna was – Henna was strong enough to boost me, but I don't know anyone else who can! 'Ree, what are we going to do? By the end of this month, I'll _really_ be showing, and then where will we be?:_

The village, when they got there, was like an overturned anthill. As Lil' ran by, Cairly grabbed her by the shoulder. "What –"

Lil' kept walking. "Bandits. Lots and _lots_ o' them. They hit at dawn. That's why we ha'en't seen 'em f'r two 'n a half weeks. All us kids 'r s'pposed to run f'r th' new site, but that's where they hit. Where –"

Cairly leapt up onto 'Ree, and pulled Lil' up in front of her. _:Let's go, 'Ree.:_

"Lil', I'm going to drop you at the Waystation, you _stay there_. Alright?"

'Ree stopped short and Cairly slid off and helped Lil' down. She hadn't answered. "Lil'?"

Lil' turned to face her and said, "No. Lookit." Biting her lip, her skin flushing a dark red, she stared at a point directly in-between herself and Cairly. For a moment, Cairly wondered what was going on, then –

_:Chosen. Look!:_

A spark of fire appeared, then quickly grew to a flame before her very eyes. Still staring into that middle distance, Lil' breathed slowly, then whispered, "I been able t'do this since I was a lil' kid. 'Tis why even though me mam don't have 'nough money t'have wood 'n coal, we niver got cold 'n the winter 'n allays could cook. See, I should go awith yen."

Cairly sighed, and grabbed her bow and arrows from the Waystation before swinging herself onto 'Ree and pulling Lil' up as well.

"Alright. Let's go."

Too quickly, Cairly ran out of arrows. "Stay _on_," she shouted to 'Lil, "'Ree will make sure you stay on. I'm going to get down and fight with my sword. Hear me?"

Lil' nodded, eyes unfocused as she made bandit after bandit go up in flames. Cairly swung down and whirled into the mess. She was vaguely aware that this was taking longer than she had expected, when her sword broke against a bandit's staff. She stared at it, stunned, for a long moment, before duck-rolling, and flinging herself behind a rock to catch her breath.

_:'Ree, is it just me, or are there more bandits _now_ than there were at the beginning?: _Cairly flinched as a bandit swung at her, and grabbed a dead bandit's staff, thanking every god there was that she had been taught by Alberich how to use a staff.

_:There are more. I think they are coming in as we kill them – oops! Can you come back? Lil' fainted, and that makes her a good target for their archers now – there! Alright, where are you, we'll use that foolhardy move you like so much.:_

_:Coming.:_

Cairly climbed up onto a branch, and waited. 'Ree swung around the tree, and Cairly dropped.

_:Gotcha! 'Ree, I think that we should run for it. Drop by the Waystation, and pray they don't follow?:_

_:Going.:_

'Ree reared, and came down hard, crushing two bandits beneath her hooves. She then spun, and headed for the Waystation.

_:Damn, Chosen, they're following us, what do you need from the Waystation?:_

To tired to use Mindspeech, Cairly gasped, "Arrows, need to send m-m-message s-so th-they know-know we're in need of – of more…more Heralds. Why?"

_:Never mind! We'll have to come back to get them. Hold on.:_

Too tired to think, Cairly just held onto Lil' and 'Ree for dear life, landscape blurring before her eyes. Then, suddenly –

CRASH! The world went black.

Cairly opened her eyes. Where _was_ she? Oh –

Memories returned in a rush, and she pushed herself up, looking around. Well, the bandits hadn't caught them, that was good. She closed aching eyes, and said, _:'Ree?:_

She felt 'Ree get into a more comfortable position. _:Chosen, I'm alright. Your head hurts for two reasons. We fell into a ravine. Thankfully, my legs aren't broken.:_

Cairly frowned. _:You said _two_ reasons. What is the second?:_

She felt 'Ree sigh. _:You over-abused your Mindspeech. You have a reaction headache.:_

_:Huh?:_ Cairly said confusedly, _:Then how can I Mindspeak now? _And_ with more ease than I ever have had with it?:_

_:I'm as confused as you are. You hit your head, and I think it unlocked something, or broke down some self-made walls. I – think that you have another Gift now, though. A _strong_ one.:_

_Strong Gifts…_Cairly started. "Lil'!" she rasped, throat hurting something terrible, "Lil'?"

A blurry somebody pushed themselves up.

"I think I'm here. My head _aches_! What happened?"

Cairly rubbed her head, and then suddenly realized that her shields were down. She carefully re-erected them, and was rewarded by half of the headache fading away. She took a cautious breath.

"'Ree decided she preferred tumbling to running. We fell in a ravine. I don't think there is a safe way out."

_No way out…_her mind ran rampant in all directions. _No way… no food…my bow!_ Cairly practically jumped up, and began searching for her bow. Lil' stood.

"What're you lookin' for?"

Cairly ran her hands through the grass frantically. "My bow! It's…"

"Here." But when Lil' held up the shattered remains of her bow, Cairly could hardly keep herself from crying.

_:Oh, 'Ree, even if we _did_ have arrows, my bow is too destroyed to work! What will we do?:_

'Ree tossed her head. _:We'll cope. But…nevermind. You get sleep. Same goes to you, Lil'.:_

Lil's eyes widened. "She talk't t'me! Didja hear, Cai'ly she talk't t'me!"

Cairly nodded, sleep fogging her mind before totally overcoming it. A few feet away, Lil' dropped like a rock. 'Ree slowly got to her feet, and walked over to the bow. She stared at it for a long moment. Slowly, the bow came back together. To those using the Sight, small clouds with bright blue eyes drifted over to gather around 'Ree.

She tossed her head exasperatedly, and conversed with them for a moment. They slowly drifted away. The now-perfect bow floated over to Cairly, who, even though she was sleeping, clasped it in one outstretched hand. 'Ree gave a satisfied snort, and settled down to sleep herself.

_Cairly lay on the ground, feeling as if she should be dead. The bandits had tortured her so, she could not believe she had not miscarried from all of the shocks absorbed by her body. A few feet away, 'Ree lay, roped and staked to the ground. She bit her already bleeding lip to keep herself from crying. 'Ree was in so much pain!_

:'Ree!:_ She cried out. For a moment, the world seemed to waver. _

_For a moment, she thought she saw a young woman floating above 'Ree. She had black, curly hair, large, dark eyes, and wore ancient looking Whites. The girl vanished – _

Cairly sat up, breathing hard, bow in hand. Her jaw dropped. Her bow! _But how is that possible? Besides, I have no arrows!_ She moaned to herself, trying not to wake Lil' or 'Ree.

_:Too late.:_ 'Ree stood a few feet away. _:And if you stop moaning, I'll help you get the arrows.:_

Cairly froze. _:Is that my new Gift? Fetching? But I already have – had Fetching.:_

'Ree tossed her head impatiently. _:No, silly. You have the same Fetching Gift you had before.:_

Cairly sat back down disappointedly. _:But, 'Ree, my Fetching Gift is barely enough to move a twig the length of my pointer finger! How will I ever manage to reach as far as the Waystation, and carry something as heavy as the arrows?:_

'Ree stamped impatiently. _:Do I have to spell everything out to you? _I'll _give you strength to reach and carry!:_

Cairly gaped, and lost her focus on Mindspeech. "You mean – you mean – _you_ can _give_ me strength, besides boosting?"

_:Shut your mouth, and shut up unless you want Lil' awake and asking questions. If we do it, it had better be _now_.:_

Cairly rolled her eyes, and relaxed, focusing on her center. _:Alright, grumpy.:_

A whoosh of something _much_ stronger than herself filled Cairly's mind, overwhelming her for a minute. Then – strength filled her to the greatest extent, until she felt like an overflowing cup of cold water. She _Poured_ the strength out _through_ herself, stretching out with her Fetching _hand_ and grabbed – and pulled – and –

– woke, falling over backwards and hitting her head on the ground.

"Ow," observed Lil' as she helped her sit up. Cairly allowed her to, feeling grumpy.

"Ow? That's _all?_ Lord and Lady, child, when did you wake up!" Cairly batted away Lil's helping hands, and hobbled over to 'Ree.

Lil' stood there for a moment, before turning to pick something up. "A few candlemarks ago. Five, or six, I think. When I woke up, you was sittin' all frozen n' cross-legg'd, so I went t'find sumpin' t'eat, n' found some grasses. There's a stream o'er there, n' I biled up th' grasses. D'want some?"

Cairly's stomach growled loudly enough to be heard from Haven. "What do _you_ think?"

Lil' grinned, and handed her what looked like a cleaned rock with brownish-green goo on it. She looked at it nervously.

"T'ain't gonna bite you," laughed Lil', "It just looks funny. T'tastes fine."

Cairly barely kept herself from saying, "And you probably think that those messes the Healers cook up are good."

Sometime later, after telling Lil' to practice her Firestarting, Cairly rubbed her eyes and rested her head on the ground. She kept seeing this queer double vision. Every time she looked at 'Ree from the corner of her eyes, she – almost – saw a young woman only a bit older than herself. However, when she looked straight at 'Ree, the young woman disappeared.

Finally, she confronted 'Ree. _:'Ree!:_

'Ree slowly turned her head towards Cairly. _:What?:_

Cairly rubbed her eyes. _:'Ree, who is the woman I keep seeing? It's giving me a headache! Is my Foresight acting up?:_

'Ree's eyes widened. _:What! A – hold on, could you lower your shields?:_

Cairly rubbed her neck._ :Sure.:_

'Ree swept in, and for billionth time since she was Chosen, Cairly marveled at how _big_ 'Ree felt when she put all she had behind something.

Before 'Ree could do anything, the _snap_ of arrows startled both of them out of the trancing state. Cairly twisted to avoid the arrows, then knocked Lil' out of her trance.

"Run!" she screamed, as the sound of the bandits crashing out of the bushes and out from behind trees filled their ears. Lil' whirled, eyes wide, and gasped, "But what about you?"

Cairly's lips tightened, and she flung herself over 'Ree's back. _:Two targets are harder to catch than one.: _

Lil' froze, her jaw falling somewhere in the vicinity of her chest. "Didju just talk t'me – "

_: - in your head, yes. Think it, don't say it. This way, they can't hear you.:_

Lil' began to run again._ :Oh. Should I distract them a little? Now that I can really make fire?:_

Cairly bent down low over 'Ree's back to avoid some more arrows. _:Lil', if three days practice helped that much – :_

_: - five days, not including the fights with the bandits. I always helped a _little_.:_

Cairly yelped as an arrow hit her shoulder. _:By all means, child! Lord and Lady, do you need an invitation?:_

A roar and a plume of fire answered her question. Cairly focused hard on the bandits, taking out as many as she could –

_: – 'REE! Those aren't bandits, because that's a Sunpriest! No – _two!_ And they - :_

Something slammed into her, and then she couldn't move. The bandits she couldn't find suddenly appeared, riding from nowhere. They rode close, grabbing Cairly off of 'Ree's back and dragging them away separately.

Cairly could feel 'Ree giving as good as she got, but a solid _thunk!_ to the head ended that. Suddenly feeling many injuries she had not noticed she had, Cairly blacked out.

Dizziness.

Pain.

Hurt.

Anger.

Swirling colors tipping the world upside down and wrongside up.

A searing pain tore through her.

She reached for sanity, only to spiral down into misery again.

_How did it get this bad?_

_:HOW DID IT GET THIS BAD?:_

Twisting colors.

PainpainpainpainPAIN –

_:CHOSEN!:_

_:?:_

_:CHOSEN!:_

_:What?:_

_:_CHOSEN!_:_

Cairly was tied to a pole. Her head hurt, her hands hurt, her entire body hurt. She felt intensely disoriented, like someone who had been displaced. Her body did not feel _hers_. Memory returned, with all of its horror. She looked around, but her eyes would not focus. She couldn't find 'Ree! Nervously –

_:'Ree?:_

To her great relief, 'Ree answered. _:Yes, Chosen?:_

Cairly wished she could rub her eyes. They felt as if they were on fire – fire! Lil'! _:'Ree, is Lil' alright? How long has it been?:_

Cairly's eyes relaxed a little, and now, she caught sight of 'Ree, roped down, several feet away.

_:To answer both questions at once, I know that Lil' escaped, and have not spoken to her in four months. That is about how long you have been tied to a pole. Well – not the whole time - :_

Cairly frowned. _One thing I can still do! Wait! Four months! 'Ree, what do you mean, not the whole time?:_

_:You don't remember? Thank – the – the Lady. To put it short, we've been captured by Karsites, and they are waiting for a holy enough day to kill us. In the meanwhile, the soldiers may do with us what they wish. Get it?:_

Cairly shuddered._ :Yes.:_ Her vision almost entirely back to normal, but she was seeing that queer woman again. Before she could mention what she saw to 'Ree, though, a group of soldiers and their Sunpriest walked over. They were speaking to each other in that garbled language of theirs.

_:Don't call it that! Alberich wouldn't be happy if you called Karsite "garbled.":_

Cairly grimaced. _:Can you understand them?:_

She felt 'Ree move weakly. _:Only a little. They are saying – oh _no!_:_

Cairly stiffened as the Sunpriest and soldiers walked past her. _:What?:_

The Sunpriest and soldiers returned, with a new group of soldiers alongside. They removed her from the post, and began to drag her away. She felt her heart wrench, and then –

_:Chosen, I am sorry.:_ With those words, 'Ree blocked of her mind from Cairly's mind. Cairly's heart twisted with fear. _:'Ree, what - :_

Everything faded away, everything but one. The woman-that-was-'Ree floated above 'Ree's roped down body, black curls drifting softly above ancient Whites. Her huge dark eyes were filled with sorrow, and slowly, she raised her hands above her head, fingers bent queerly.

Where had she seen that pose, where had she seen it? Oh no –

Cairly's heart dropped all the way to her feet. She had seen that pose on the painting in the library, of Vanyel the Last Herald Mage. The painting was titled "The Last Stand." But that was from centuries ago! Was her Companion – what was a Companion, anyway? Maybe they were all mages, and she was just converting 'Ree's spirit in her mind.

Even though 'Ree had blocked Cairly's mind from hers, Cairly read the lips of the faintly glowing Herald-Companion. _Final Strike._

Cairly hadn't the least idea what it meant, but she knew it wasn't good. With a flash of insight, she realized what it meant, what it _must_ mean.

"No!" She gasped weakly, unable to scream as her heart was screaming.

As if in slow motion, Cairly saw a light glow between the woman's – _'Ree's_ two hands, then blaze. Something within herself answered, and roared. Cairly felt every last bit of her energy fade away, and the world went black.

"L'dy Her'ld? Her'ld Cai'ly? Her'ld Cai'ly?" Cairly opened her eyes, to see a blurry face above her. Fiery hair and thin cheeks told her what she needed to know.

"L-Lil'?" She croaked, throat sore. The girl smiled, and nodded.

"Yeh. Her'ld Cai'ly, where's 'Ree?"

Memory returned. Cairly felt huge tears fill her eyes and clog her throat. She couldn't speak. _:Not Herald. 'Ree's GONE.:_

Cairly saw tears fill Lil's eyes, just before a huge pain ripped through her.

_:Lil'?:_ She gasped, eyes wide, as another pain tore through her. Lil' grabbed her hand tightly. "'Tis yen babe, Her'ld Cai'ly."

Cairly sucked another breath in with the third contraction, then coughed, hard, blood spattering the dead grass. She stared at the grass for a long moment, and then everything sped out of control.

Pain.

Turning.

Color, red and brown, ripping and searing across her vision.

PAINPAINPAINPAIN!

_:Aaaaiiiiiiieeeee!:_

Knocked out of her wild delirium by the Mindscream, Cairly looked wildly about, to see Lil' –

Lil' who was saved her, Lil' who should become a Herald one day –

Lil' –

an arrow sprouted from Lil's shoulder, then her neck –

Lil' –

Lil' was dead –

Before the Karsites – or bandits, Cairly could not tell the difference – got her, arrows flew from all sides – then the pain overwhelmed her again.

Red ripping, roaring across her eyesight –

Pain tearing through her middle, surely she would die of this –

Blessed oblivion.

Whispers woke her. Cairly opened dry and aching eyes to hear five women – _Holderkin_, she'd recognize that accent anywhere – whispering.

"If it isn't enough that Keldar lost _her_ babe yesterday, but that Bessa lost hers this very night –"

"What will we do?"

"– it will be all our fault!"

Suddenly, one of the Holderkin women shushed them all, and stared intently at Cairly – and, she realized, her child. When had she given birth? Oh. When Lil' – Lil'! – died.

Before she could re-immerse herself in misery and pain, one of the women said, "The stranger will die in a fortnight, but the babe is fine. Why should we get in trouble for helping Bessa birth a dead babe, from Keldar? Take the foreign child, say it was Bessa's babe. By the time the child begins to look different, everyone will have forgotten the stranger and her dead babe."

As all of the women praised the one with the idea, Cairly moved weakly to touch the child. She brushed her daughter's forehead, and pressed Henna's message, now truly lost, into her child's mind.

_:Watch for the betrayer! In the Queen's highest trust – it's –:_

As her hand fell back onto the blankets, she cursed the Holderkin women in her mind. _May you all die in child-birth. May those of you who don't, die of plague. May you all never again birth another living child. May – _

The feeling of energy leaving her body became familiar in the next few days. On the third day, she saw 'Ree-Herald floating above her.

_:'Ree?:_ She asked, praying this wasn't a dream, _:Have you been here the whole time?:_

Black curls floated as the 'Ree-Herald cried._ :Yes. I am so sorry.:_

Cairly felt tingles move up and down her body. _:Sorry for what?:_

The 'Ree-Herald pushed away her curls in a way that, Cairly noticed, was habit. _:I should never have left you. Will you come with me now?:_ She stretched out a hand.

Cairly looked for a moment at her sleeping daughter at the other side of the room before grasping her hand, and slipping from her tired, overworked body.

In Haven, a bell rang that struck the hearts of every Herald.

In the Hold, three day old Talia woke up.

**FIN**

* * *

**AN: ** Yay! My first Mercedes Lackey fic!

(BTW, has anyone seen a Muse of _To Write a Silent Song_? I've lost one, and I can't find her anywhere!)


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